As I mentioned a while ago, I have had quite the wrestling match with that whole D vs. E thing -- deacon vs. elder track. I've decided a couple times! I'm almost good at it! In all seriousness, I was told this is a problem area for many candidates.

I’ve been told over the years that thinking types aren’t good at pastoral care, that introverted types aren’t ideal for local church ministry, and that my strengths are in teaching, scholarship, and reformer roles. I’m an INTJ personality type with lots of years in the corporate world, so I am fully aware of the work that an I and a NT must do to be successful in social situations. I think that those with the innate ability to be social butterflies have a leg up in the elder track expectation and evaluation process, but that those who are stronger in other areas certainly can grow into the role. Several of the best pastors I know are NT folks, and they take care of the flock, so to speak, very well thank-you-very-much.

The clergy contains a lot of high F folks, a good thing I admit, though thus far I have not perceived that F folks are as keen on T folks as they are on more F folks coming down the pike. In my personal walk, I have some very T and very practical reasons for moving with slow deliberation through the seminary process. God waited a bunch of years for me to get to this point and a little longer in the process won’t hurt, I think. I feel that God doesn’t mind as long as I am moving in the right direction and not looking for opportunities to hide or run away. To a high F person, such deliberation can be seen as a lack of zeal -- why aren’t you on fire to quit your job and trust God to keep y’all in Kraft dinner?

God gave me talent and opportunity in the engineering world and I expect that God doesn’t mind me using this to full advantage for as long as I can. The church will still be there, though I also don’t want to be ridiculous with dragging it out.

The ministry needs both T and F folks, and none of us who want to be successful in ministry are ever all T or all F. God help us if we let someone through the process who has no ability to walk on the other side of their natural tendency to one or the other.

Now I’ve described some experiences I’ve had that make no sense from a T perspective. I’ve accepted them without much rationalization -- except maybe last time. I’m not sure rationalization helped me. The core of that experience was an acceptance that I bring my gifts and graces to the deacon vs. elder question and we’ll figure it out. I jumped to a decision, which is fine given the lack of imminent need to do anything with the decision, but I also began talking about it right away (so much for introversion). I might have protested too much, as the Bard of Avon says. After talking with more people and by letting a phrase said to me about my candidacy process (“don’t waver”) percolate over the past month, I’ve opened the door again to the possibility of elder track. I’ve made myself be aware of where I allow the F side to have sway (minority sway, but not in the extreme). I have noticed how I’ve reacted to events, articles, situations, and (as spectator) prayer concerns from the church where I am a member in interesting and unexpected ways.

I may be INTJ, but I think that maybe, just maybe, there’s room for an INTJ who is both cognizant of and open-hearted about the world and God’s people in the world. I need to explore the feeling/caring side of ministry in a more intentional way to assist me in discernment, and I hope to find the right ways to do this.

The deacon track is a noble and worthy cause, and I may go this way yet. I also may find in further reflection, mentoring and experiences that I am called to the “other” path in the UM world (ha ha). The important thing is to figure out where God needs me to be.

I’d like to particularly hear from T folks who have reconciled the T and F aspects of ministry. If you don’t want to comment publicly, please email me directly.

davidfirth1@mac.com

The candidacy process has been interesting thus far. A year and a half after first bringing it up to my DS, here are my thoughts.

First off, my sense of call is strong and has developed over a long period of time. Because I’ve worked through a lot of soul searching previously, the candidacy process isn’t the big revelation time that I think others expect it to be. I’m not wrestling with whether I’m called to serve, though I do wrestle with how that call will be lived out in the future. At this point in my process my mindset is more about the execution of seminary work than crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s of candidacy – as a part-timer in seminary I have a lot of time left in the process.

The reception from my DS and my pastor to my intention to begin this process was very good. These two persons know me pretty well, and I believe that they gave me, and continue to give me, honest support. I appreciate this. My guide through the Ministry Inquiry Process was top notch and my candidacy mentor is a source of support through highs and lows.

DCOM has been more difficult. I’m a second career candidate with 15 years in the corporate world and a third of this time in leadership, so committees generally don’t make me nervous. These DCOM folks make me nervous. I haven’t put my finger on exactly why, but I have a few ideas. (1) I don’t know the majority of them, and I expect all but a couple don’t know me. I get the feeling that I’m the object of a take-a-number, you-have-to-be-this-high-to-ride-this-ride surprisingly impersonal assembly line process where the one on one experiences (mentors and others) have been very personal. Could be misperceptions on my part, though other seminarians also describe awkward (or painful) COM experiences. (2) They are gatekeepers in a process where I distinctly feel God guiding me personally. Didn’t they get God’s memo that I’m OK (ha ha)? (3) My discernment process regarding elder or deacon track – when I mentioned deacon the temperature went down in the room a few degrees. I get the distinct feeling that some persons with whom I’ve interacted thus far prefer elder track folks with strong Meyers-Briggs “F” characteristics. More on this later. I will figure out how to make connections with them as we walk together and as I learn from them and as they learn about me.

Seminary has been a good experience thus far. My studies are limited by my night and weekend track, but it is not the time in my personal life to approach seminary (and candidacy) in any more aggressive way. My call “happened to” my family and it is a balancing act to figure out the best way to proceed. The first year was loaded with Biblical studies work, an area in which I have a lot of interest. This was not by design, but came together due to the opportunity to go to Israel. I have no regrets; next year I pick up pastoral care and other study areas next year.

I look forward to what’s next.