Experiencing God 3

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I've been told that introverted folks tend to experience God during times of deep reflection, and my experiences back up this claim. I don't know how deep reflection can be and still drive down the road, but my latest God moment occurred at 45 mph on a curvy back road.

A year ago I thought that I had it all figured out (won't be the last time, I am certain). I was going to pursue candidacy as a Deacon and build upon my past education and work experiences to serve God's people and God's church in some yet to be revealed way. As I got closer to my first meeting with DCOM I spent considerable effort looking at Deacon and Elder paths and came to a decision (in consultation with a few others) about a week before the meeting. When asked if I had one or the other path in mind I answered Elder. I firmly believe that the faith community is central to Christian experience, and believed that I had discovered the people, the “who,” from my God experience a year or so before. I was going to work toward parish ministry and serve the church in a traditional manner at some future point.

For the past year each time I have answered the same question from someone I have had more trouble answering it the same way. This difficulty is not general. My perception of call is as strong or stronger than when I began this journey (praise God), and my desire to serve the United Methodist Church is also strong (God help me). It is my perception of the right vocational path for me and the best fit of me for the glory of God and the benefit of God's people that is in question.

After a couple weeks of this issue being on my mind heavily, after a good session with my mentor (this issue was not specifically raised but our topic helped me greatly), and listening to some appointed folks tell me about their normal pastoral duties, I was running things through my mind while driving. And, as God will do, my God moment came in an unexpected place at an unexpected time. I perceived that my thoughts were not just my thoughts. I was thinking that I was right the first time and that the path of an Elder is not the best fit. Each time I raised a point/idea/thought in my mind, the response was immediate and gentle: “my people need you.” This was the phrase I heard in the night a few years ago. This cycle continued a few times. The same response each time: “my people need you.” Then, letting go of control of the situation, of past statements, of others' expressed expectations, of trying to be the decider of my path, I thought something on the lines of “so I can just bring my gifts and graces to the table and we'll figure it out?” Submission. The response was strange and wonderful. It was unspoken. It was felt. All I can say is that the presence that I was experiencing moved, and it was like experiencing the joy energy that is a smile from another. The heightened energy came from outside of me, enveloped me, and left. I was alone again in the car, doing 45 mph. The whole thing, end to end, was probably only seconds, but it felt longer.

I don't pretend to understand the experiences that I have had, and I do not claim to know why God wants me, an analytical-artsy-intellectual-progressive-INTJ-former-engineer, but I am firmly convinced that God has something for me to do and that this something requires the commitment of time, energy and resources that I am putting into a Methodist Theological School in Ohio M.Div. and the pursuit of candidacy. Today my mind is at peace, and that peace comes with a feeling that my initial perception of my vocational path, as a Deacon, was most likely correct. I will explore this further in the near future.